Log in

No account? Create an account
can you drag yourself 200 miles [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är

[ website | my face @ lame space ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

a one trick pony. [Jun. 26th, 2007|08:00 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[Current Location |manchester.]
[mood |regretful]
[music |the format- swans]

i like to think the reason i haven't kept up with my vow of writing in this journal is because i've been too busy living my life. which is true, but sadly i find myself re-reading entries and remembering things i've forgotten, and now i know..this time in my life really has been amazing and i really wish i'd kept everything organized in daily accounts so i could reflect on them and keep them forever.

this year has been great. i've been so genuinely happy the only thing giving me true anxiety is knowing it would eventually, inevitably come to an end. i think to myself daily..appreciate this..love this..be happy for this now..and don't think about how long it will last.

in a way..or two..or three..it has already come to an end. i've watched most of my favorite people leave, which has taken a toll on me, making habitual routine, getting out bed..getting dressed..etc..seem torturous.

i am trying hard to rely on the promise everything has a time and reason. instead of being sad, i'd like to just be grateful for the people i've met and everything i've learned from them. i consider myself really lucky to have these relationships, but it's more than a little hard to believe i will really stay in contact, or that it will stay the same, or that i'll ever meet such people again, so instead i make lists of life goals..to make me a better, smarter, well rounded person.

so if and when, in the distant future, i should meet such people again, i'll be prepared. i'll be in the place in my life where i wish i was now. i'll be ready to commit, i'll be someone they can be proud to take home, a catch.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Nov. 6th, 2006|10:46 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |happy]
[music |beatles-blackbird]

lately i've been living an amazing life.
i think these years and these experiences are what i'm going to want to remember most when i'm older.
i cant help but become a little anxious that i'll forget about these certain conversations, or looks, or feelings, or events that make me feel a certain way; so i find myself starting up my dear old livejournal once again.

so..these are things that have happened since the last time i wrote in here that i'd like to remember.

i went to warped tour. it was very unplanned and last minute.
i left work in a rush and picked up audra. we missed saves the day's first set.
but the acoustic set made everything worth it.
it was the best i've ever seen them.
there was hardly anyone there.
and i stood on a little ledge and sang all my favorite songs.

i made a very crazy decision to have "house guests" come after the show.
i dont know how sometimes things only sound as ridiculous as they are when you're talking about them in hind-site.
i think sometimes i get too excited to think straight.
nonetheless its an experience that i'll always remember and probably continue to be blackmailed for.
the day after they left my brother broke his ankle. that was all anyone cared to talk about when my parents returned from vacation.
what can i say..i live a sweet life.

pretty soon after that i left for arizona.
i met tons of great people there, but most notably steph.

we really hit off, and not just, i'm sharing a room with you, we should probably be civil hit it off.
she is honestly one of the best friends i've ever had.

we screwed off every day, going to pool, and the mall, and the movies.
and stayed up all night studying. talking about our lives, talking in funny accents, making fun of the baseline killer, making up rap songs and dance moves, being complete weirdos and loving it.

steph told me a story about a girl kissing a boy in a street and walking away.
i told her that was a great story.
thus, she told lots of boys i wanted to kiss them.
and when they came in for kisses, i told them:
sweaty lip.
stubbly face.
smoke breath.
and she reassured them they did have sweaty lips, but beautiful eyes or other random compliments.

that night we stayed at a boy's house.
i think he had different expectations when he invited us over.
i mean how could he possibly expect, we would eat all of his pop-tarts and warm expired beer.
and hide on him when he went upstairs.
and make him give us gifts of his own personal property.
--which he really put a lot of thought into--he gave me an arizona state sun devil sticker and steph a pompom so we'd always remember arizona.--<3
and talk about music and ask him for his life story.
--which he told without hesitation.
and give girl advice: as in explain to him what everything every girl has ever said to him really meant and what the girl had wanted him to say back.
--this led to 4 am phone calls.
that night we slept on his couch. it smelled like abortions.
we watched the same episode of the office. over and over again.
he drove us home. we made him drop us off at the back entrance.
we went upstairs. changed into pajamas. and came down for breakfast.

we went to orlando. we went to disney world with amanda.
we saw an alligator. we fed him gummy bears.
we did everything. we had the time of our lives.

i went to atlanta. i met richard, and jim and christian.
christian's boyfriend is cousins with my cousin's neighbor.
thats crazy. she was very nice and made me wish i was a better nicer person.
i liked atlanta.

then i went to new york city. theres much to say about my time there.
i'll write about it later.

i decided to live in syracuse. an economical decision which has proved itself wise.
i think in january i will move to nyc.
i dont know. time will tell.
for now i'm loving life.
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Aug. 29th, 2005|01:44 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |pounding headaches.]
[music |gratitude.]

i think my livejournal is at its end.
i'm just getting bored with it, so i cant imagine the mundane details of my stereotypical life are exciting to anyone else.
this will also probably help with my detoxification of being online all the time and helping me to reach that age old goal of getting a life.

i just looked up the definition of detoxification:

A medically supervised treatment program for alcohol or drug addiction designed to purge the body of intoxicating or addictive substances. Such a program is used as a first step in overcoming physiological or psychological addiction.

i think that word choice was perfect.

what a nerd. this is exactly why i must stop with the livejournaling.

its been fun and i'm guaranteed to check up on my friends page, but for now;
my livejournal is no more.
love always,
link5 comments|post comment

would you forgive me love... [Aug. 19th, 2005|12:33 am]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |regretful]
[music |lisa loeb]

i wish i could help my anxiety pains. i wish i would take my own advice. i wish when i said things i could make myself believe them.
i wish when i knew something was inevitable it didnt eat me up inside. i wish i wasnt scared. i wish this didnt mean so very much to me. i wish i could express how i feel. i wish i could just let go.

attn: lindsey
memo: wishing never got anyone anywhere.

right. thanks.
love always,
link2 comments|post comment

did i ever tell you.. [Aug. 12th, 2005|11:34 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |meh.]
[music |tegan and sara]

hey this week was fun.
getting up at 4 a.m., 2 dinners, 3 tanks of gas, 1 grounding, a trip to sea breeze, 1 hour and a half long speech, and food poisoning!
beat that suckas!

love always,
linkpost comment

you swear? swear on our relationship? [Aug. 7th, 2005|05:36 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |sad]
[music |the radio dept.]

last night i was reminded of how much i truly hate this town.
people are so ridiculously fake it honestly makes my stomach hurt.
i dont nor will i ever understand why if you dont like someone you pretend you do.
i dont understand why if you dont like someone you spend time talking to or about them.

but i must keep in mind, if it were not for this town, i never would have met the friends that i have. the friends that i love.
and i am thankful that i learned young how cruel and awful people can be, because if i hadnt maybe i wouldnt be who i am today.

maybe when i saw someone say something inappropriately spiteful to someone else i would just standby, or hey maybe even join in, instead of standing up for them. maybe i would spread rumors and talk behind backs. maybe i would find meaning in being dishonest and hurtful.

but i did, so i dont. instead i am grateful for every second spent with the people i love. genuine, honest, kindhearted people. and want nothing more than to fill my life up with moments full of them.

smitty made me sad when he told me not to be a stranger anymore. i dont know why i have been.
i dont know why the most communication i have with people who used to be my best friends is nothing more than a wave when they drive by.
its just hard sometimes to make things seem worth doing and for that i am sorry.

i am also sorry this post is such a downer, it just depressed me a little of how sad last night made me.
even though i had a lot fun talking with fisher, it just wasnt the same, and probably never will be.
i just really need to concentrate on today. and let that be enough.

yours truly,
link7 comments|post comment

Happy Birthday Cari! [Aug. 5th, 2005|11:08 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |surprised]
[music |onelinedrawing.]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com
birthday spanks. ryan.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com
chris miller. ouch.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com
cari. new birthday present.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com
3 in a row!

a fun fun night with fun fun people. cari cudney is positively one of my favorite people on the planet. even if she doesnt shower or comb her hair, shes one of my best friends and i will miss her dearly.
linkpost comment

because a sunburns what i needed [Aug. 1st, 2005|10:21 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |sick]
[music |hey mercedes-boy destroyers]

i just got back from chincoteague island.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
ice cream.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
hard. core.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
evan. me. waves.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
oyster sandwich.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

i do not like air conditioning one bit.
love always,
linkpost comment

august 6th cannot come soon enough!!! [Jul. 24th, 2005|10:44 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
guess who's coming back!!
clueCollapse )

ok give up?

answerCollapse )

goodnight is my favorite!
who wants to go to a show?
love always,
linkpost comment

man that kid made fucking up look cool [Jul. 19th, 2005|11:16 pm]
ibland vet vi inte hur bra det faktist är
[mood |crazy]
[music |something corporate]

boj called me and asked me to go to stoneybroke, and though i've become quiet content with spending my days hanging with my brother i decided to beat this slump of anti-socialism and go...then typically...nobody could really get it together so we took a rain-check and instead i mowed the lawn. i found yet another dead bird. increasing my worry level that my sister is right; that perry is indeed full of carcinogens. then boj came over and we went out to lunch and chilled for a while until she had to go to work. she and i are alike, in that we often burst into unexplained laughter. <3
i played tennis after that and robert stopped by so we hit a few together and that was fun.
tonight i went for a walk with hez, which is becoming quiet the nightly routine. last night we went for a walk and met a gathering of friends. including steph. so we spent the night sitting around two citronella candles talking with them. true story.

tomorrow hez and i have planned to get up early and go to the city.
i am navigating. shall be exciting.
have a lovey night.
love always,

oh and my brother has attained a blood eye that seriously freaks me out. and he knows it. ouch!
link4 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]